You are dumped

When I was at university I tried my hand at being a surfer chick. I went out with a surfer guy and he and I used to trek down to Cornwall every weekend to meet his other surfy friends and surf. It must have been love because it was freezing learning to surf in March when it was hailing and our only accommodation was a tent. I persevered though (even though I have no co-ordination and didn’t really like getting cold), the relationship survived ‘till New Year and I was invited to go surfing in Portugal with the gang for New Year.

Every day we would get in a few hire cars and travel along the coast, beach by beach in search of the perfect ‘set lines’. One day we happened upon this beach where these huge, huge waves were rolling in and as we stood on a cliff overlooking the beach we watched as a pro surfer got into the water, paddled out to where the waves were breaking and then had a huge wave break over him. We couldn’t see him for at least a minute and then he was washed up onto the beach. The wave had been so strong his board had been broken underneath him. The surfer gang all looked at each other and then decided that they would follow him in. I was incredulous. Having seen what I had seen and being a lot less experienced and adventurous than them, I offered to stay with the cars on the beach. My boyfriend was not impressed. It was then that he decided to dump me telling me he needed a more adventurous girlfriend that could keep up with him. With that he asked me to zip up his wetsuit and strode off into the water.

I waited exactly until he was out of his depth and had to start swimming, took his hire car’s keys and drove straight to the airport, returned the car to the hire car company and caught the next flight out, leaving him on the beach.

When I was 25, I thought my boyfriend was having an affair and did the thing you’re always told not to do – read his text messages. There was one from her saying ‘over for who, her or me?’. It turned out it was me and so we split up. A few months later I was in a pub with some friends when a TV crew came in and asked if anyone had any good break up stories. I’d had a few pints and so said yes I did. Two days later I got a call from my ex’s mum. An old colleague of mine had seen me on the TV – Richard and Judy no less – and when she went to pay in a cheque at the bank my ex’s mum worked in told her she’d seen me on it! Luckily mum of ex saw the funny side and so did my ex when I told him 6 months later.

When I was 18, I took a gap year and went travelling for a year with my best friend. Our first stop was Barcelona, where I met a very lovely man named Antonio. Antonio was very intense and had amazing eyes. After one day together he told me that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me. I assumed this was his technique for getting me to sleep with him so I laughed and we made out and then when I left Barcelona I gave him my phone number. I don’t know why I did this. Maybe I couldn’t think fast enough when he asked? I told him I wouldn’t be home for three months and I guess I assumed that he would have forgotten all about me by the time three months had passed.

I thought wrong.

Three months later, I got a phone call from Barcelona. I had a very odd talk, in Spanish, when I tried to explain that er, no, he should not come to England to visit me and that no, I would not marry him. A few days later he called again. I pretended I was out. Then the next day, he called again.

“MUM can you please tell him that I’ve moved country and that you don’t know my new phone number?”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit unbelievable?”

I didn’t care. And bless her, she did it. In Spanish. It was awesome. He never called again.

We are looking for the best, worst, funniest, most embarassing stories about how you got dumped or how to dump someone else. And if you have any tips for dumping your boyfriend or girlfriend, leave a comment about those too.